Questions From Potential Clients

Would Surrogate Partner Therapy be helpful for me?

Are you feeling uncomfortable with your sexual orientation or gender? Are you dealing with insecurity and/or lack of experience with all things sexual? Are you afraid of not being able to perform sexually with another man the way you want to? Are you struggling with long- standing physical or emotional issues with sex? Do you need help building skills for dating or for satisfying intimate male/male relationships? These are some of the issues I deal with in Surrogate Partner Therapy for gay men. If you are a heterosexual man, or are wondering about working with a female surrogate, please contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

If I want to work with a Surrogate Partner, do I also need to have a therapist?

Yes. The involvement of a therapist is a cornerstone of this team therapy process. Sessions with your therapist are interwoven with your sessions with me. If you are not already working with a mental health professional, I can help you connect with a therapist who is supportive of this work. I am also happy to speak with you briefly on the phone or in email correspondence to answer questions about the process and help you make the decision whether or not to seek out this form of help.

What can I expect from this work? How is it structured?

In general, trust, comfort, relaxation, and communication are the best foundation for learning a healthy sexual functioning. They are also the basis of most satisfying intimate relationships of any orientation. So we start by building those qualities together.

Then, depending on your needs, we’ll spend more or less time helping you learn to get more pleasure from your touch, and from being touched by me. Some sessions may include sexuality education, social skills coaching, coping skills counseling, or whatever else you need to experience in the context of relationship. And all of this will happen in the field of your growing self-awareness and sexual self-confidence.

It may take a lot of reprogramming to pay attention to the deep inner core of your erotic nature and to find satisfying ways to express it with another man. Many men are caught in constricting interpersonal expectations, self-sabotage, or pre-programmed sexual behaviors. Working with me you can expect to be led safely, patiently, and without judgment to your own desires, both emotional and physical, as the source of pleasurable sexual relating.

And most important, you and I will develop a real and intimate, but time-limited relationship, based on our authentic emotional and physical responses and honoring our ideas and fantasies. You will experience how it is done, and eventually you will reach a point where you feel ready to begin new relationships with partners of your own choosing, with this relationship as a model.

Parent Category: ROOT

About Physical Attraction

What if you are not my "type", or we are not attracted to each other?

Since physical attraction alone is not a reliable foundation upon which to build intimate relationships or sexual functioning, it won't determine the success of our work together. Success will come from the building of skills and awareness and inner maturity that you'll learn to apply to all future relationships. We don't rely on "good chemistry" to get started. We learn to create erotic chemistry when and where we want it through how we engage with our own and our partners' feelings, thoughts, and fantasies.

In intimate relationships, there are often times of dissimilar interest, conflict, frustration and boredom, in addition to times of mutual excitement, arousal, comfort and pleasure. How you handle the ebb and flow of these experiences is a stronger indication of your long term sexual happiness than any initial sexual attraction.

Surrogate Partner Therapy